I\u2019ve known for a while that I have an unhealthy relationship with Instagram. It is the platform that I am most active on and the app of choice for most of my peers. As someone who is extremely social, it makes sense that the app that allows me to easily connect with acquaintances and keep up with them is the one I\u2019d choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I noticed that it has become something more than just a networking app though; it\u2019s become a drip feed of pseudo socialization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most (if not all) of my friends would tell you straight away that I can talk with anyone. I often do. You\u2019ll find me striking up conversations with strangers (pre-friends) or talking for ages with someone I do know. A lot of people express admiration of this trait. They say things like \u201cOh, I could never do something like that\u201d or \u201cOf course you know this person, you talk to everyone in Sacramento.\u201d Haha. Very funny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While I\u2019m not afraid of parties or social engagements that require some kind of interaction (parties, film screenings, public events) there is something I am afraid of: being alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I turn to Instagram.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I find it so difficult to be alone. I want – crave – social interaction to a fault. I have become almost reliant on being able to talk to people. I cram my days with events and activities so I\u2019m not left alone. That\u2019s pretty much all I can think about: What is the next thing I\u2019m going to do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And what if I don\u2019t find that next thing? Well, then I\u2019m stuck at home, feeling incredibly alone. Left out. Fearing I\u2019m missing out on something. Don\u2019t really know what that something<\/em> is, but I know I\u2019m missing out. Being my own company is anathema to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Enter Instagram. It\u2019s a perfect vessel to provide me with the confirmation I am missing out on something. Providing me with the knowledge that people are doing things without me and that I\u2019m actually not liked, desired, or wanted around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Welcome back depression and anxiety. You haven\u2019t been missed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The more bored I become, the more alone I feel, the sadder I become and then I go on Instagram more often, feeding the cycle. Suddenly I\u2019m despairing and struggling to straighten out these thoughts that rocket through my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All of this I\u2019ve known for a decent while now, but it wasn\u2019t until I put it all together that I realized how unhealthy it was for me to have Instagram on my phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, duh,\u201d I can hear you say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah yeah, sometimes it takes a bit longer than I\u2019d like to admit for me to get something through my head. Either way, I\u2019m finally making steps to get ahead of this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n First step? Deleting Instagram off my phone. My goal is to be off Instagram (the app) for a week. I can still check it but it has to be through a browser on a computer. Zero smartphone access allowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve already had it off my phone for two days now and let me tell you, the amount of FOMO that jolted through my body is palpable. I was disgusted by how often I reached for my phone to check Instagram or how much I felt like I could be missing out on a Story post. My mind flitted to all the times Instagram has facilitated good interaction and connection between me and others. If I hadn\u2019t been on the app, then I would\u2019ve missed those opportunities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOpportunities?\u201d Just because the app isn\u2019t on my phone doesn\u2019t mean I can check it a few times, I told myself. I could\u2019ve seen those posts on my laptop and still<\/em> done 90% of them. The other 10% of the interactions strictly through Instagram would have been fine to not have them. Or maybe they wouldn\u2019t have. Either way, it really isn\u2019t a big deal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was the mind of an addict coming to terms with trying to quit a substance. A substance that simply drives me to constantly think down on my own being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another thing I\u2019ve come to realize about Instagram is that the app only really provides shallow<\/em> connection between people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was sitting at a lounge with a friend of mine when I realized that we wouldn\u2019t have become true friends if she had an Instagram. Because she didn\u2019t have one, we were forced to trade numbers and actually communicate. We setup photography walks and went to events together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I say I love social interactions, I wasn\u2019t lying. However, what I love more is real connection<\/em> that is usually fostered through in-person interaction, not through social media. I need to simply just take the leap and skip the phrase \u201cWhat\u2019s your Instagram?\u201d (The caveat here is if I\u2019m really just trying to have a generalized connection and not build something more. There are times for this.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Part of this is also going to be accepting the rejection of that phone number. Or accepting the fact that even though I offer my number and they accept it, they might not feel like connecting back. It is all in pursuit to solidify a relationship and nurture it beyond that initial meeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A quick side note: by relationship I don\u2019t mean romantic only. I mean any<\/em> kind of human relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All of this to really say that I\u2019ve finally realized how much I\u2019ve been prioritizing the Instagram mutual follow. In my head it was a safer alternative, a way to avoid making people feel uncomfortable. It still is. Once that initial awkwardness is over, I\u2019ve been trying to make the leap to trading direct communication. In my mind, it simply means that I am no longer going to invest in a bunch of shallow connections, propped up by a social media app designed to hold your attention and feed you FOMO all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is vulnerable to make those leaps from Instagram to phone; for what reason, I really don\u2019t know. Ultimately, I have to be okay with taking an untold number of plunges; those leaps into an unknown, offering a piece of myself to a stranger.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019ve known for a while that I have an unhealthy relationship with Instagram. It is the platform that I am most active on and the app of choice for most of my peers. As someone who is extremely social, it makes sense that the app that allows me to easily connect with acquaintances and keep … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,11],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","category-technology","tag-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=217"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":218,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions\/218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}