{"id":181,"date":"2023-05-16T05:58:26","date_gmt":"2023-05-16T05:58:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/?p=181"},"modified":"2023-05-16T05:58:26","modified_gmt":"2023-05-16T05:58:26","slug":"spark-less","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/?p=181","title":{"rendered":"Spark-less"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I am going to be honest and say that I’ve been deeply struggling with finding that creative spark. I have a few creative outlets that I want to pursue: writing, music, and photography. I know I enjoy each one, but I can’t seem to keep a disciplined routine for each one. My desire to be creative in one of those mediums ebbs more than it flows.

What I’m most confused about is the part that happens when I do get the urge to do something creative and then I stop myself for whatever reason. I’ve become detached and dismissive of the idea of me writing or playing music or going out a shooting as not worthwhile.

It’s possible I’ve idealized the process of making something; meaning that I have an image in my head of what it’ll *feel*<\/em> like and have a preconceived notion of what doing this task “successfully” *should*<\/em> result in. Inevitably, I stop myself part of the way through because nothing is ending up how I wanted it to.

I can envision you reading this now and shaking your head, wondering how someone who is so aware of his own failure is unable to overcome it. It’s a good question and one I’m still struggling with.
I know I *want*<\/em> to make things. I want to produce works that can impact people. It is something I have dreamed of since I was just out of grade school. So why can’t I take what I know and apply it to my actions?

Frankly, I don’t know. If I did, I’d probably not be posting this to my personal blog, bemoaning that I’m not achieving what I want to achieve.

Failure is a part of life. I know this and am okay with other people failing, but am utterly opposed to me failing and even the *concept of*<\/em> me failing. I am stopping myself. No one is saying I can’t. The world isn’t against me. Only I am.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am going to be honest and say that I’ve been deeply struggling with finding that creative spark. I have a few creative outlets that I want to pursue: writing, music, and photography. I know I enjoy each one, but I can’t seem to keep a disciplined routine for each one. My desire to be … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-creativity","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=181"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":182,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions\/182"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mudbrain.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}